SAUDADE

Some time ago on another blog the author used to do a series of posts called “prompts for the promptless” some pretty interesting things that made you think were posted within those posts. Some of them were based on words and one particular word that she used was “Saudade”. I think in English it is pronounced saw-dard, that’s how I pronounce it anyways.

This was my post to that which I have expanded on a little…

Whereas the last few prompts have been tough for me this one is difficult for other reasons; This one is difficult because by the very nature of the prompt I have to bring things to the fore that will make me feel melancholy.

It’s funny how people come into your lives, sometimes for a short period of time, maybe just an evening or sometime for several years, you can remember them being there, you remember doing stuff, and for the people that were there for a while they may have had a really profound impact on you for the amount of time you knew them, but things happen, jobs change, people move, people drift and then you realise you have not seen that person for years, they are for all sense and purposes unknown to you now. Some you are happy to let go, others not so much, you can recall snippets of times when they were a part of your life but not all the details, its hazy.

Others are just a natural occurrence of life, for example I miss being back in my teens, not necessarily the person I was back then, but just the age, and the fact that there was none of these adult responsibilities that stack up and act as weights against your legs whilst your floating in the sea of life, I look back now at those times (least the ones I remember) and now feel that I am caged, restricted, beaten down, unhappy, overwhelmed (sometimes) and I just want to cast it all away and regain some freedom, to make it feel that I am standing on top of a hill with the wind and rain blowing and washing away all that shit and detritus that builds up around your person over the years like plaque on teeth. I have this feeling that I used to be much more spontaneous, less serious and less worried about “stuff” in general, I feel old before my time.

Even though it is tempting to cast myself free I do also think that to do that would be a very self-destructive thing for a whole host of different reasons, but even now I have thoughts rushing through my head about what I can do after work tonight, something spontaneous, different, so the want is still there bubbling under the surface.

I feel Saudade my old job in a supermarket, money was rubbish. I looked after a fruit and veg section and took great pride in its appearance, and you know what, I didn’t need to earn masses of money, 90% of it was mine to do with as I please as I lived with my parents at the time, so unlike now where you need to budget and do adult things. But I used to love filling the display, ordering the produce in, making sure it looked top notch, if I could afford to I would go do this now still, back to the days without much in the way of cares.

There are many things that I look back on with a nostalgic longing, of course it is all past history, and it cannot be relived, it cannot be changed, sadly (in some ways) for me it cannot be forgotten either, unless dementia kicks in.

On a connected (kinda) note there is a band called Thievery Corporation. I have several of their albums and they have one called Saudade. I don’t think it is to everyone’s taste and certainly not my favourite album (even from them) but I do get that melancholic feeling from the sound of the tracks.

Do you get a feeling of Saudade at any times?

…Moi

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