I suppose it is best to start off with a fair warning. I am a bottle of wine in as I write this.
It is at these times when I get a little contemplative and with a job up and coming my mind returns to other thoughts.
Intimacy… And I don’t mean just a quick fuck after a night out on the lash, I mean some nice romantic intimacy. I miss that… A lot.
I think that I miss that probably more than most things. I cannot remember the last time me and my missus were intimate. A cuddle on the sofa, holding hands walking down the road, listening to music together, The soft smell of her skin as you kiss her belly, the being on a night out with many friends and spying her across the throng of people laughing hard to a story she has just heard and then her spying that I saw her and she gets that twinkle in her eye and a smile crosses her face.
Was the last one too much? Maybe, maybe not. But I miss intimacy, real intimacy. The only time it happens now is in my imagination, away from the sight of family and those around me. My world is not intimate one iota, I am seen as an arrogant old bastard, just an overweight balding middle aged guy with fuck all going for him, and you know that feels absolutely true at times, that is absolutely true… at times.
She would see through my sometimes brash exterior, she would see the person underneath that wants to pour all my affection to her and she would give me her affection too spending our time together creating a thousand clichéd moments.
I wonder if it will ever change? It might do. 2 months ago I didn’t think I’d ever get another job and now I have a job. The lack of intimacy can probably be measured in years rather than months though and if it did happen, I would be surprised if it happened here at home, I realise that sounds bad but I am only voicing my thoughts. Never say never.
Do you get anything from this picture? Is it just a bit meh for you or do you find something rich and interesting in it? Please share your thoughts either way.