This post on Remember her November inspired this little story.

Annie was exhausted by the time she got home. She had pulled a 16 hour shift and it had been a hectic 16 hours almost from the moment she got to work. She had needed to leave when she had or there was a real chance of falling asleep on the job and that just would not do. It was just before midnight when she got home.

She slipped the key into the lock and made herself feel a little melancholy knowing that there was no one on the other side who would welcome her home. She let out a short sarcastic laugh, in her mind home was a place that was warm and welcoming, the smells of habitation and the noise of people, this place had none of those things and so really was not home in her sense of the word.

The door opened and the darkness of her apartment stood before her, she stepped in, placed her bag on the floor, turned on the small side lamp, closed and locked the door and kicked of her shoes with an audible sigh. She had been on her feet for most of the time she had been at work and her shoes, which were new, had pinched and rubbed in all the wrong places.

As she walked down the hallway the 3 tall windows in her living room showed her impressive views over London, Thousands of buildings lit up before her. She stepped into the kitchen and made herself a mug of hot tea then leant again a wall in one of alcoves at the windows, it was amazing really, the view always allowed her imagination to run riot, and even now as she felt alone and lonely a faint smile pulled at her mouth as her eyes drank in the view before her.

Everything looked so small from up here, she could make out car headlights and street lamps; office buildings lit up like a Christmas tree and although she couldn’t see them she knew that her eyes glanced over thousands of people going about their business on the streets and in the buildings in front of her.

She sighed, how could she feel so lonely in a city full of people? She looked up to the sky, it was a cloudless evening and if it wasn’t for the light pollution she was sure that the stars would take her breath away had she been witnessing them from somewhere in the countryside, maybe with him by her side holding her hand and she would smile as she glanced at the heavens and drank in the view of the galaxy of which she was part.

She stood there for maybe 30 minutes, slowly sipping her tea and trying to relax after her hectic day. She began to feel sleepy so drew her curtains, put the half-finished tea in the kitchen and made her way to the bedroom. She undressed, pulled back the quilt and sank into the nice cold covers, she was asleep almost before her head hit the pillow.

Do you get anything from this picture? Is it just a bit meh for you or do you find something rich and interesting in it? Please share your thoughts either way.



Whilst in my head I can imagine each and every action, I can see the lighting even I still feel that I cannot get that vision, or those feelings down on (virtual) paper, reading back it feel like a flat story devoid of any feeling or emotion. I have not been able to write “properly” for a long time 😦


10 thoughts on “ANNIE

  1. The second to last paragraph was a highlight for me. Very visceral and I could clearly picture what she was seeing/imagining. I would say, try not to explain things too much. Let her actions and her thoughts speak.

    1. Hi Alex, thanks. I have heard the term show, don’t tell and I find that so hard to achieve lol, but again practice practice practice. I may try and re-write this and see how I improve. Thanks again.

  2. I understand your worries – it is very hard to make writing ‘pop’. I like what you wrote, it does introduce the character – but there is a flatness that you have identified. If you are feeling frustrated with writing, why not read around and identify that writing that ‘pops’ for you. It sort of seeps into the pysche somehow. I recommend William Golding ‘The Fall’ – the opening sequence glitters. Margaret Atwood has that effortlessness as does Anne Tyler. We become immersed because of that effortlessness in believing their characters are alive. Annie Proulx ‘Shipping News’ is another. Even though the lives that are lived are far from my own, their human nature absolutely resonates and results in a read that satisfies the soul. Good luck.

    1. Hi Modestly, thanks for commenting. I’ll see if I can find any excerpts from the authors you mention and search for stuff that pops out of the page to me. I have more luck in finding the photo’s that do that (and the music) than in the writing, at the moment at least.

      1. I have walked by stalls in the market-place where books, dog-eared and faded from their purple, have burst with a white hosanna. I have seen people crowned with a double crown, holding in either hand the crook and flail, the power and the glory. I have understood how the scar becomes a star, I have felt the flake of fire fall, miraculous and pentecostal. My yesterdays walk with me. They keep step, they are grey faces that peer over my shoulder. I live on Parasise Hill, ten minutes from the station, thirty seconds from the shops and the local. Yet I am a burning amateur, torn by the irrational and incoherent, violently searching and self condemned.’

      2. See what you mean… I guess it is a different way of thinking as when I write I wouldn’t even think of using that method, worth practising though I think.

  3. I love the photo you used.
    See, you’re very good with describing, the pull I need is what she’s really thinking and feeling.
    Hope you are well!

      1. yeah about to start studying again. first half of the year were not so great. staying positive and hoping it will start turning for the better 🙂
        how are you?!

      2. I hope this half is better for you than the first then. As for me, it depends on the day, today I am relatively ok, the sun is out, despite being tired I can see it seems like a nice day, I work up near a canal so may take a little walk along it lunchtime.

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